Suck It Up

I am in quite a lot of pain right about now actually. I swore to myself that I would try hard not to try at the sports day. That I would not rip myself up trying to get the most ribbons and showing off to the other kids. But that was out at the first race of the day when I realised that I still had it in me to blitz the girl in front of me for a stunning and surprising second place. I ended up with three firsts, three seconds and a third. And now I am ruined. I took the day off yesterday. It was nice to know that I could just do that and not have it come to bite me on the arse, since I was ahead in all my classes. IT didn’t even really happen without me.

The pain is awful though. I cannot move without something in my body crying out like I have been jabbed sharply with the end of a broom handle.

But I am being very Buddhist about it. I am feeling very Buddhist about it. I went out and I did something good, something fun, and it was my last chance to do it. My house (team, subdivision of the school, whatever) got the most points and we won the day. Apparently I made another excellent speech. But the best bit was that everybody cheered for me when I made it, the whole school’s eyes were on me and I wasn’t the least bit nervous, I was happy for them and they were happy for me. With a sick sense of… ugh ‘team spirit’, it is great to know that I am going to be able to end this year having led my team to victory twice.

I think if I had only strained one thing then it would be annoying, but I have given every muscle in my body a sound stretching. The pain is almost good in a masochistic way, it makes me feel very alive and reminds me that all the muscles are there and working. It’s a new experience, a necessary evil. Every time I move I wince a little ‘Ah yes, that’s pain.’ And then I smile to myself. I only once wished I was better, and that was when I had to do the dishes; or maybe I just wished that they were less painful…

I have been reading Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer and it is now entrenched as one of my favourite books ever. I could live in her world forever. Coming down after reading the book solidly from cover to cover; knowing that it is not and can never be real, is a heart-wrenching experience. I have experienced it with only a few magnificently crafted books. If you are not familiar with the Twilight series; then consider this my most important fiction book recommendation so far.

I’m feeling generally settled and happy. Feeling every bit the stable influence I was once cited as being. I am appreciating life in the fashion that I should karmically be doing. I am at peace with pain and adversity; and open to everything.

I wish you all the same in return.

☆