The Agony, The Irony

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like your standing perfectly still and watching every minute detail pass by you at an ever decreasing rate? Like staring over the edge of fate itself and seeing nothing at all? Waiting for some unknown thing to happen, magically, when you know full well that all this shit takes time? Time that you will have to live every agonising minute of, bear every ceaseless second until something finally happens? But not magically, not easily, but finally? But until then you have to wait, wait, even for that small almost non-pleasure.

Please excuse me, I seem to be having one of those “life is a bitch” episodes. It all seems fine and just one adventure after another until you really look at it. I’ve been doing a lot of that. Looking. Absorbing. Wondering where I’m actually going. Trying not to dwell on all the years I’ve wasted.

But nothing is happening. Really. I bet I can explain my whole day today in less than 100 words. I get up, I make coffee, I get dressed, I mess around on the computer, I eat brunch. I wash the dishes, I watch television, I eat dinner, I watch television, I go to bed, I write this. Add some toilet breaks and a shower and that’s it. On other days you might add a walk, and/or work in between the dishes and television.

Wow. That’s my whole life. And only 65 words.

Urgh, this is worse than I thought.

I always thought I was cool with waiting and I didn’t get what made people so irritable, but I guess I’ve never really wanted to get to some place so bad. I have to wait what is still weeks for people to get back from their holidays just so I can ask some questions and then that of course that is going to yield answers and new quests which will go much the same way, then I have to wait for an exhibition to roll into town just to get my new computer, after which I’ll be effectively broke. And then I think some more stagnating will probably be in order.

Sorry this isn’t more interesting, but that’s really is what’s going on. “So I’ll never have to write another blog about what I actually do all day...”

I’m getting up at 5am again tomorrow. It should be interesting, maybe I’ll have another weird dream that I can write about.

Goodnight ... morning.

☆Anika☆