Mortality Bites

I know that when you breathe something in you are actually consuming small quantities of the molecules that comprise it. So it kinda makes you sick when you think about smelling garbage of dog shit, but then it also makes me wonder, like it did in the even that prompted me to think of this. You know eucalyptus oil, the stuff you rub on your chest or put in an oil burner when you have a cold? Well if you drink it it’s very very poisonous and unpleasant. So it makes me wonder, how much of it can you breathe in before it does you more harm then good? If you could really die from drinking enough (not sure how much) of the liquid, I wonder how much vapour you would need to inhale before it had the same effect?

These are the sort of things that my morbid mind turns to at ten to twelve in the evening. I think I may be discovering the limits of eucalyptus inhalation as we speak. I can’t breathe hardly at all, my tonsils hurt, as do my muscles and especially my joints, my mouth is painfully dry, I have a stomach ache AND a headache. Oh and my eyes hurt, I am tired, but at least, for once, I am not hungry as well.

I have to WORK tomorrow. They’ll fire me if I don’t turn up 5 days without a medical certificate, and I don’t like doctors so I hardly see the point in paying the $45 consultation fee. I’ve already been away twice this year, Valentine ’s Day and the day after- tonsillitis, lovely present. So… not very happy at the moment. But I have many reasons to be, if I weren’t so sick. Got my new computer today! And I’m not completely broke!

I had planned to go on about this for sometime, but I think that my blogging habits must be changing. I mean not to be a pessimist and leave out all the good things of how cool it is and what a good day it was to spend time with my friends and the satisfaction of building a whole system from the ground up, but. I think that wouldn’t be very interesting to someone who isn’t into it or wasn’t there. Instead I shall continue to entertain you with the trappings of my paranoid mind.

Item number two. Lying here in my painful state I begin to think what I gift it would be to just be able to breathe properly again. How I am amazed that I could have taken effortless breathing for granted all this time. How I can’t even remember what it was like to not have to struggle for every breath through the mucous that is killing my nasal passages right now. How long I must have slept on my right arm without a second thought for how debilitating it could be if I couldn’t do that anymore. But then also I think about all the people who must have it worse than I do. The people who are missing their right arms instead of them just being really sore. Then, more ludicrous thoughts like- what if my arm got all stiff and twisted when I was sleeping, my extra heavy slumber due to the reduced oxygen to my brain (although this is bad enough on its own, visions of my slowly losing air supply, less and less and less until I don’t even notice that I am completely asphyxiating, oh and then death of course) but what if, though some freak complication, maybe brought on by the lack of oxygen, the blood could not return (I mean, not going to happen, but anyway) then what if I lost the use of my arm?

I never really think about people who have disabilities like that unless I have just seen them on television. But people who are stricken with disabilities like that are just amazing. I don’t know what I would do with myself if that happened.

☆Anika☆