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“Fucking, fucking Valentine’s Day. Yes, fucking, that’s what they’re all doing. I hope they all get AIDS.”

That’s something that I could stand to be remembered for saying. I could hold true to that, hating this stupid excuse to sell greeting cards and get sex out of your unwilling partner.

Today was horrid. And any other similarly nasty and awful words you want to throw at it. I won’t say why, I can’t really get into the specific events and people, and it would be a big long a painful story. But no, it doesn’t really have anything to do with a boy. Or that boy. There was no romance or love or sex of any of that, not even the want for it. What happened today was just plainly a bad day, a run of bad luck. Perfect evidence that this day is cursed for me.

You know how on movies sometimes the employees will nervously whisper to each other that it is that day where you just do not aggravate the boss? Because on this day 12 years ago his daughter died or it’s the anniversary of something similarly unpleasant and they all try to avoid him that day? Well if I was going to have one of those days, it would be Valentine’s Day. Nothing good has ever come out of Valentine’s Day for me. There never was a singular event, not that I remember, but it just keeps getting more awful. I called up my mother and told her about my dreadful day and she said “What is it with you and Valentine’s Day? It’s just another day.” but it doesn’t matter if I know about it or not. It’s just cursed. Maybe it’s like The Easter Bunny or something, when you’re little Easter is fun because of that, you get chocolate eggs and heaps of food and everyone acts happy and keeps the charade going for the sake of you, the little kid. But then when you get older and you realise that is exactly what they were doing and there is no Easter Bunny and everyone just ends up tired and pissed off with one another after being crammed in the same house for too many days with distant relative they can’t even stand! It loses its magic. I guess that was what happened. Once you start thinking about it and what this stupid holiday is supposed to mean, and after over a decade of no-one giving you anything or expressing any of the day’s supposed sentiment, then you get fed up with it and it just becomes another evil reminder of the fact that you are alone and there are other people going out and having big romantic anniversary dinners and holding each other through the night. Who is Valentine’s Day for anyway? People who are already in lovely relationships and need another excuse to feel special and rub it in the faces of those lesser human beings- single people? Gah. Kill me. I don’t think I’ll even blog next time. To me this day no longer exists.

☆Anika☆