I’m sorry to bug you with this terribly menial blog. I have been putting off retrieving it from my phone, it’s still there. I got on the bus this morning and there are two girls whom I went to primary school with, who also go to my high school, sitting there in kilts with stockings underneath. I’ve never seen them wear either till now. Ever since I ran from the music rooms to the bus and my stockings fell down to my knees I think they’ve been plotting. Next thing they’ll be wearing scarves, bangles, lipstick and dying their hair the same colour. Right now they’re recommending stockings to the girl across from them. They do have many benefits over regular pantyhose. They’re easier to pull up, they don’t fall down as much - provided you get the right size, you don’t have to pull them down to visit the toilet, they are so much freer to walk in, they look sexy, they don’t cut you in half with a granny style control top, and if you buy a pair, snag a leg, then buy a new pair and snag one of them you still have a pair made up of the remaining good legs.
Right now there is this irregular popping static feedback on the speaker system of the bus, no-one will tell the bus driver, I can tell. He’s put the microphone on and it’s hitting the window near where it sits. But he can’t hear it cos he’s probably lost a bit of his hearing, but not quite enough for him to think it warrants a hearing aid.
I just noticed that the radio is trying to play ‘I Miss You’ by Blink 182, but some ghetto boy has a drum loop playing on his phone. But it’s AWESOME. It sounds roughly like this – “Don’t waste (pttmp-p) your time on me, you’re already a voice inside my head (ptp ting ting ting, t-ting ting ting) I miss you (pttmp-p, pt-t-t puh, tuh ta ta ta, ta t-ta) I miss you, miss you...”
Oh my god someone has to do this! Someone has to record this mix, I hate dance mixes generally, but this shit was pure accidental genius. It’s gonna be stuck in my head all day.
It’s all too much. I can’t remember how many times I’ve said this, about Now vs. The Future. But if life now wasn’t so perfectly average and manageable I wouldn’t be so unhappy about it. Yesterday was my last ever school fun run. My team won, I made a speech, people listened, the whole school listened and they liked it. You wouldn’t ever catch a kid getting sentimental over a fun run, except me. It’s my last everything. I have to move house, I have start a new life, a new school, a new group of friends right when it took me six years to settle in here... (Nestled here lies the biggest change in direction so far…) But I’m going to do it. I’m going to attack it; there is no reason why I can’t do it if everyone else did. If I move to a city there’s always something I can do, or study, or people I can meet.
A few blogs ago it sounded like I didn’t want to be the centre of attention, I do. But it’s hard with this voice. I’d love to represent the band in interviews, and be the show off on stage and do crazy stuff, but I need a vocalist to follow when singing. I’d love to be co-main singer. But I can’t play a guitar-like instrument for shit. I can dance, act and write lyrics, and have a fair direction in the melody and music department - I just can’t actualize those last two.
I’m still working my way through the lovely comments; I just don’t have them with me. This blog should be regarded as part of the other two. It’s been continuous since Monday.
I’ve been reading “The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe”. Marvelous book. Good movie too,
but nothing in a two hour period could ever claim to encompass the sheer witty interconnected marvel that is this series of books by Douglas Adams. This the type of science fiction I wish I could have written, with the kind of sparkle David Tennant brought to Doctor Who - also an excellent series. If there is one genre I can almost universally claim to love it is British comedy. The Armstrong And Miller Show and Little Miss Jocelyn actually helped me with my English test yesterday. I mean, in keeping with the theme of Hitchhikers, I think this has all worked out terribly well. This blog has concerned itself with all things slightly superficial, the previous with the city, and the one before with some serious thinking, putting this one and that one at perfect odds. I also received the comment that I had been holding out for which tied the whole matter up right as I needed it, and now my phone is fu-
☆Anika☆
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Hi there
ReplyDeleteYou "pensive window gazing" entry is so full of damn spot on things i don't know where to start. The fact you get back to the image of the window in the end was so relevant.. so beautiful, and so much of something i understand right now it broke my heart.
-you should make a sing about it-
I don't know if you're lucy or curse for it, for realizing now that all that things you desire, they'll be the work of your life and that it's tied, that it's now, that's it's you it's all gonna be about. I'm such a daydreamer i only just realized. Yes, just only realized all those dreams were not going to happen just wishing and letting time go by, that i had to actually focus, give priorities, for it to actually succeed. Because life is hard and takes no part time amateurs. shit.
That's an horrible realization to make, and that's a hard knock out when you're not even out of teenage years yet. But if you see now what practically you have to do to realize you dreams, you'll be able to do it. Because you have the time. If you indeed see that and accept that it means training your singing and writing songs all the time, by the time you're.. i don't know, 20, 24, you'll be professionnal at it. You're so right on this, the technique is a bloody sport. Well you have the time to get fit. That now you dislike practising (normal if you are dissatisfied with your voice) and that you don't write much (normal, you're still in a highschool routine killing inspiration), doesn't mean you won't be able to it in the future or to like it. The only relevant question are, i guess : do you want the whole goal (including the work it takes and not only the fun, star bits), and are you rady to bother with all the training that goes with it (whether you like it or not ) ? But really you don't want to realize that when you're 30 or 50..
Damn I hate planv changing at the last minutes, you too ? especially such important things... Really, don't feel pressured to go into tutoring because your mother tells you it's a good opportunity, or even because YOU think it's a good opportunity. ( about those kind of fake choice, read the great entry : http://thegrowinglife.com/2008/04/quitting-things-and-flakiness-the-1-productivity-anti-hack/ ). DO what you feel like doing. It seems your first wish is not exactly university but the CITY. Damn. Don't let it go. Don't let you bury in the country. Even if you don't get a university you like, you could consider working a gap year... in the city. There are lots of job opportunities there, and you could get a english tutoring recommendation letter from your school if you don't like hospitality. And you'll live the city life, you'll have the friends, you'll live the music (you can try and get a job at the Arts center or at another music/theatre venue). You can get into uni (sometimev second choice unis are not that bad, they can even be better becauve less people), you can try and find a music/singing short formation to get into the uni you want the next year (don't let go the idea of having superior studies. You do'nt want to work as cashier all your life). But don't stay in that place that smother you. As soon as you live further enough in the suburb (not even zone 2, but like Northcote or Brunswick) there are some cheap rents you can deal with. Do what you want. You'll have all of mature years to do what people expect you to do.
Love what you say on learning things. I always felt that too ! That there is this "thing" to get, this physical and mental state that clicks it right, and comes with practice... or genius anyway. I'm obsessed with "getting it" on the whole. Desperate idealist ^^. But with singing there is technique, lie a sport, but if it's necessary not too sing too out of tune not to distract the auditor, i think personally that emotion and intrepretation is more important. I hate rnb singing robots, with great vocal abilities but who cannot express any emotion, at best only mimic it in a grotesque way !! But i guess you see what i mean... Amanda rocks better than any choirgirl , doesn't she...
"I always thought I would fall for someone of inescapable seductive eloquence, but that is a dwindling commodity these days…" AHAHAHAh oh god, so true... same thing here, and it feels like celibate is neverending... And seeing how boys tend to be stupider as a rule (because they can, not really genes..), makes me wish i was lesbian.
An impact on someone's life ? That's great to challenge peopl's attitude on women.. How do you do that ? heheh damn are we twins ? I feel like i'm doing the same at the moment. I do what i can to challenge stereotypes and to affirm i don't have to fit the male desires to be a woman, to have a right to this world or even to be effectively desirable ^^..
The window image... Damn i understand this so much. My voice is always the thing that betrays me and makes me sour. Damn little thing. It's so fragile, so revealing. A voice. When at the piano i never sing when my parents are around. And sometimes even when alone i stop becauve i can't bare hearing myself. But yesterday i told myself this has to change. That i have to push myself beyond that. I don't know if i'll have the balls to do it. But maybe if i train my voice enough before... But sure, not wanting to be heard when your dream is to be on stage, it's a very sour paradox.
hehe i get what you mean about the stage thing now! But i guess the other singer would think of you more as a parasite. It feels like you want to have the fun but not the responsibility for failure (oh damn that sounds harsh, I'm sorry!! It's not that bad really). But i can understand that, you're still a very fragile performer now. But it will change eventually, with progresses at mastering your voice and some additionnal self confidence to keep yourself together if there's a blopper.But once you've got a bit of mastering, don't be afraid not to be the best singer ever. Being a frontwoman is more than this ^^.
oh and the belly thing... It sounds stupid but it *does* work. it extends your diaphragm and have you have a big inspiration. Just try maing a big belly without any inspiration, you won't get it. And there is much more control than with chest breathing. it allows you to feels the column of air and control it, when you get this "thing" it's so great (happens so rarelly but it's like divine light coming from the clouds).
oh and yeah, the blur... umh yeah i was saying that it's best you realize it now all teh work and all, but you can take it easy anyway. you don't have to have a spartiat life for it. You can stay in contact with the friends .. But i understand it so much. Right now i should be looking for masters but i don't. I've been delaying for days. I'm kind of afraid of leaving, of finding something elsewhere, just when i was making friends with others at my damn uni, but in the same time i feel like i'm going to die if i stay here. But it's probably the last months I'm staying at my parent's house and i fear the next world. some of it might be very well justify (i might never now that beautiful a place to live, that support, that security.. yes on some points it MIGHT go downhill), but i also remember how i was full of doubts before my year in australia : i had never left my parents' house and i was going at the other end of the world (i'm french), ... scary. But it was the best year of my life; A revolution. sure it could have been awful. Actually some points were awful (a psycho housemate, uni procrastination..) but it made a huge difference in my life anyway, it was more than a good thing in my life. so i guess i should ris it.. And that's why i'm pushing you too. Especially knowing how Melbourne in particular changed my life ^^...
the pictures didn't work by the way
cheers !
Hey, Anika.
ReplyDeleteSo I see you attempted the myspace bit? Great... and then I stopped blogging...
Been so very, very busy. I'm graduating from... university, in a month and a half, and there are so many ends to tie up, and then things I distract myself with (like the No, Virginia essay -- I technically had no reason to do it, because I'm going to buy the CD, but I did anyway and the Shadowbox book, god knows if that'll finish up).
And of course it's beautiful outside here, now, and just being outside distracts me enough that I end up wandering, quite happily for an hour or two...
Observing the menial -- that's what makes a good songwriter and writer in general. I was at a... rally sort of thing the other day, and I kept noticing these two girls who were gossiping about everyone, and this cute baby and her father kissing her stomach, and then a man holding a T-shirt up into the air... the details are where life is.
Anyway, could you explain what a fun run is in your next blog? I'd love to be happy for you, but I have no idea what you are talking about.